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maikyaera [userpic]

(no subject)

June 6th, 2011 (09:00 pm)

Alright now I'm conflicted. My aunt has now offered to let me off the hook with the boat thing in Greece and instead go to Prague with my dad, who has been there before to visit his long lost relatives, and I would much rather do that instead of go to Greece. The problem is that I really would like to see a concentration camp (my dad went to Auschwitz last time he was there) but my mom is quite sure that it would affect me too deeply and it would stay with me for too long, and that it would ruin the rest of the trip and possibly the summer. And I can see where she's coming from, because I kind of cried for days after seeing Schindler's List, and last semester when I was taking Holocaust Studies I may have cried after almost every class, buuut I don't know when I'll get an opportunity to visit anything like this again. So.. yeah.

maikyaera [userpic]

(no subject)

May 23rd, 2011 (02:58 pm)

Surprisingly, I had a very good day. In physics, French and algebra today I finally understood several concepts after struggling with them for a while, I had my dosage of Prozac upped to 20 not sure what the units are (miligrams?) and my mom bought me the deluxe edition of Born This Way (which I am super excited about sfdklghskgk) and we listened to it on the way to the doctor's, and I came into study hall late and the guy I like was sitting one seat away from my friend so I had to sit between them, so I was sitting next to him for like ten minutes and that was very exciting for me (and yeah, he did end up moving seats, but w/e) and then in English we had a substitute so we read Romeo and Juliet aloud, except everyone had to sing or rap their lines. It was beautiful. And now I'm happy.

Oh, and my mom's making chocolate cake so everything smells delicious.

maikyaera [userpic]

(no subject)

May 15th, 2011 (08:42 pm)

Well.. wow. I'm friends with this girl whose sister is my sister's best friend, so my sister's at her house a lot, and she just told me all these mean things about me that my friend has been saying to other people in my grade. I.. feel.. really shitty. Or something. I don't really know.

maikyaera [userpic]

(no subject)

May 8th, 2011 (08:31 pm)

I don't suppose anyone would like to talk..?

maikyaera [userpic]

(no subject)

May 4th, 2011 (03:33 pm)

Mmkay, lotsa stuff today. First: I've been switched from Zoloft to Prozac. We'll see if that makes a difference.

Second: I tried to cut myself yesterday.

Third: I shadowed at a private catholic school today because I've been thinking of transferring. (A bit of background~ my current school is quite homophobic and I am rather attracted to girls and would rather not have to hide this fact forever, I have few friends there, I get teased a lot, and for the past month or so my friend has been calling me ugly or a loser and pointing out every little unattractive thing about me every single time she sees me, so I'd rather not go into that but yeah it's pretty fucking hurtful.) So I followed this girl, Belle (who was really nice and pretty), around to all her classes and hung out and saw what went on. It was pretty awkward at first, but then during her first period Belle let me read her journal of poetry and I learned quite a lot about her, and then we passed notes back and forth as I asked questions about the school and stuff that I was too awkward to ask aloud, and I met a couple other people who I had met through another friend so they recognized me and I ate lunch with them.

Overall, it seemed like a very nice place to be and everyone was pretty friendly, the teachers and everything seemed good, and I love the uniforms. I ~think~ I could make friends there, buuuut yeah.

The main problem I have with it is the fact that it's catholic, and they had all these cheesy posters up that I can't take seriously. (I'm an atheist, btw.) And the religion class is mandatory all four years, and I just feel like that would be really awkward. They made us say who we were praying for, and I was just like lolwtf. But I guess I could deal with that, as it seems there are a good portion of students of different faiths so I guess they all just go along with it.
The other major thing is that it's all girls, which I guess is nice because everyone can be themselves a bit more, but it's a problem for me because I don't exactly /want/ to like girls, and without the presence of guys (or rather, the one guy I like) to keep me distracted, I'm afraid I'll only get more attracted to them. Especially since everyone's in those catholic schoolgirl uniforms with skirts and stuff.

Think that's it, though I may have forgotten something.

Oh yeah, the other school has lunch for a full period, whereas my school's lunch is only 25 minutes. We actually had time to eat and have a conversation. Twas nice.

maikyaera [userpic]

(no subject)

May 3rd, 2011 (07:37 pm)

This is pretty cheesy and self-absorbed and pathetic, but I honestly feel completely alone.

maikyaera [userpic]

(no subject)

April 30th, 2011 (06:07 pm)

I would really like to cut myself right now. I don't think that medicine's working.

maikyaera [userpic]

(no subject)

April 27th, 2011 (03:07 pm)

Whooo, feeling mighty shitty again.

maikyaera [userpic]

(no subject)

April 13th, 2011 (07:06 pm)

First day on medication for depression and anxiety. They said it should start to work in a couple weeks, so fingers crossed.

maikyaera [userpic]

(no subject)

April 6th, 2011 (07:50 pm)

Yeah, so.. kinda don't want to live anymore.

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